a primary human fault

I am becoming convinced that one of a human's primary faults is our susceptibility to distraction. How many good intentions and worthy goals have been set aside because we are too easily distracted from them?

Dangerously Doubling Bubbles of Gum

What happens if you chew two pieces of double bubble at the same time?

QUADRUPLE BUBBLE!

But wait, what if I chewed ANOTHER piece of double bubble bubble gum. Would I get a septuple? Actually, no. I would get an OCTUPLE! And I'm not even going to talk about a fourth piece of gum because that would be completely INSANE!

lost and found: one netflix customer

There are two things I really really hate. Okay probably more but only two that have to do with what I'm about to write. One thing I hate is when I buy a piece of software or download something or buy a printer or a camera or any piece of technology and the stupid piece of junk doesn't work! I mean, holy crap! Hewlett Packard, you sell five million printers and you can't get your stinking drivers updated? Yeah, that kinda thing really gets under my skin.

The other thing that gets under my skin? Crappy customer service. I mean every time I call Sallie Mae I spend fifteen minutes pressing buttons trying to navigate menus while my stupid hands-free thingy pops out of my ear every thirty seconds. Finally I speak to a human being and I get some stranger from pluto saying "Haalloooo dis be jar jar binks how can I heeelp you wid yo loan financial moneyyyy serbice accounty?" Yeah, so it gets under my skin.

So last night I was pretty bored, and on a whim decided I'd try Netflix. Cuz you know they say "Try one month free!" and expect that I'll stay keep using it after stealing a month of free service (and, being a born sucker, they're often right). So I get all stoked thinking I'm going to watch some streaming movie on my computer in like five minutes. So let me ask you a question. Do you think it worked? Do you think I logged on and pressed the lousy "play now" button on the lousy japanese anime movie and the lousy thing worked? It didn't work. Holy cow, I hate that.

I tried to fix it. Sure I did. Cuz I love movies, and I want what I want when I want it right now. Tried reinstalling stuff and searching forum boards about netflix error messages and all that nonsense. Did I get mad? Oh yeah. Lousy Netflix, they really pulled my chain. I was gonna write a consumer letter the likes of which Netflix had never seen. I was going to put such inflammatory verbiage on that letter that their greedy little eyeballs would melt out of their sockets.

That's what I was going to do. Instead I noticed the toll free help line. And it was a 24/7 help line. I didn't feel much better. Cuz really, who wants to talk to Jar Jar Binks at night or any other time, even if he wants to help? So I dial the number. And it asks me to type in the netflix customer service number on my screen. So I dial the six numbers. Ring ring "Hi this is scott how can I help you?" His name was Scott, and he spoke English. Not English. AMERICAN.

And he did everything a good customer service person should do. He made me feel like I mattered. And darn it, I DO matter! He knew what was wrong, explained it, walked me through, stayed on the phone while my computer rebooted for four minutes, and made sure it worked.

Now, I don't expect good customer service very often. I expect technology problems on a regular basis. I expect bad customer service most of the time. I thought Netflix would work quickly, and was upset that it didn't but the cynical voice inside me felt somewhat triumphant. But a positive customer service experience flipped the situation upside down, or inside out, or rightside left or something. It didn't restore my faith in humanity, since I never had any to begin with, but it turned me into a satisfied customer. Oh, and I got to watch "Space Battleship Yamato" which is a fantastic anime classic which had a huge influence on Star Wars and all the other epic space opera movies. And I just finished watching Dirty Harry. And I might even watch Season One of Heroes or The Office or something. Netflix: good stuff.

August news update.

FYI between moving and adjusting to a new job I've been pretty stinking busy but I am still going to try and keep this blog regular once things settle down a tiny bit. So for starters here's a news update.

As of this afternoon, I am completely finished with my mentorship at work. The program I counsel in is a six month program for kids in the juvenile corrections system. I'm pretty exhausted from picking up some overtime right now. My job involves working on the floor with kids, which means supervising and redirecting and when necessary processing poor behavior. When supervising I'll roam the halls, help transport, run bathroom breaks, shower breaks, etc. The kids might be kids but they aren't exactly trust-worthy, so they're never ever unattended. My counseling job involves working with a client (kids), his family, and his county. That includes weekly individual counseling sessions, family conferences every two weeks, talking with probation officers, going to court with the kid, and a truly remarkable quantity of paperwork. Fortunately I only have one client on my case load but that will change very quickly to seven or so. I get up at 5 AM to go to work four days of the week, and then have one PM shift on Sunday. I've worked two double-shifts this week. It's surprising how quickly sixteen hours will fly by. I did that on Monday and yesterday, both immediately followed by AM shifts; I'm going to try to avoid doing that more than once a week, but overtime is a great opportunity right now. That's a basic summary of work.

The apartment has been pretty nice. My roommate and I don't see each other that much because we have opposite working hours, but we get along well when we do and are both clean. Hmmm not much else to update right now, or at least not off the top of my very sleepy head. Powers out.

July News Update

Since I don't have time to write anything worthwhile I will just give a quick and general news update. (It's sort of a compromise.)

First of all, I'm starting a new job this coming Monday which I'm stoked about. I will be working for a youth and family services center which runs programs to help restore first time juvenile offenders. It will be challenging, but will probably be fulfilling as well. I've had one friend ask me if it is going to be too much, and here's what I told her: this is my ticket to a different place. Starting this job is like stepping onto a plane that promises to fly me to new and better opportunities. I may or may not like it enough to stick with it for years, but one thing is for sure I am going to stay on that plane until I know I can safely land, because if I step out before the plane lands all I'm going to get is a nasty fall.

Second, I'm moving to a new apartment in Shippensburg on Friday. I will have one roommate, Jason; he is a great guy and I think we will get along fine. The apartment is brand new and very beautiful, the city is beautiful, and I think I'm really going to enjoy living there. Eventually I'm going to go crazy with room design and be my very own design star. I'll start small of course; getting a bed trumps any decorational impulses.

And here's a few random things taking up my time and thought. I've been playing the ancient and wonderful game of go at least every day with the free program igowin. I am not quite ready to play an experienced human (my college professors), but at some point will have to swallow my pride and enjoy the learning experience of getting my butt handed to me. I found a fantastic turn-based strategy game for my phone, "Mobile Battles: Reign of Swords"; it's a great way to pass time when I'm stuck somewhere and don't have any light reading to pass a few minutes. It even offers an online component to battle other players. Much too fun for a phone. For reading, I put aside anything periferal for awhile and am starting to work through Plato's Republic. I am also starting an intensive study of Philippians. In very very tiny bites.

And here is one more thing I am really excited about: my philosophy professor has announced a new online graduate program which is unlike anything ever offered by that place. It will be a Great Books program focusing on sustained reading and discussion of books representing the major western worldviews throughout history. For example, the first course pairs study of Homer's Iliad representing poetic polytheism with Plato's Republic representing philosophic monotheism. I don't know if I'll be able to take one of these classes this fall (though I'd love to if time permits), but it looks like I may be able to start pursuing a Master's after all. And heck, even if it was for no degree at all, they are still going to be incredible courses. Knowing how great the teaching will be, I would probably sign up anyway. The great books courses would take 15 of 30 credits required for a Masters of Science in Biblical Ministries. Oh and my favorite seminary professor is in charge of the MSBM program so whatever else I would need to take would be excellent.

So on the whole, life is getting exciting. Finances are still pretty scary, and the Escort has "issues", but I think things will hold together. Maybe I'll give a monthly news update or something. Ciao.

Review: Getting Things Done

I have not had much success applying strategies from productivity gurus. I am referring to books like "The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People" by Steven Covey, and other books which share use top-down strategies to order our lives. There are two reasons why these have not worked for me. The first is technical: day-to-day life happens on the level of "stuff". The myriad of small tasks of varying importance and in multiple contexts hampers the effectiveness of top-down approaches. The second reason is a personal one. The entire mindset of these books is very unappealing to me. Books which simplify and systemize our entire lives, such as Covey's books, seem to suck the imagination and life right out of living. Peter Pan would barf and toss these books to his crocodile buddy.

Incredibly, one productivity book has managed to overcome my objections: David Allen's "Getting Things Done: The Art of Stress-Free Productivity" has succeeded where other books failed. "Getting Things Done" (from now on I'll refer to it as GTD) has made quite a splash since its release in 2001. It's influence is already pervasive and some of the most useful blogs on the internet swear by it. I probably see it randomly mentioned every week. So for anyone who doesn't know much about it, I'd like to summarize the book and at the same time show how beneficial Allen's method has been for me.

First of all, GTD is not a top-down approach. Allen explains that "...most people are so embroiled in commitments on a day-to-day level that their ability to focus successfully on the larger horizon is seriously impaired. Consequently, a bottom-up approach is usually more effective." Allen is dead on. I already do plenty of big-picture thinking, and it really hasn't helped me deal with the nitty-gritty details of whatever messy projects and tasks are on my plate. Allen admits that a lot of times what is needed are a few tricks. GTD has equipped me to better deal with my responsibilities, and in some cases gave me some trick that helped make all the difference.

The second problem I've had with productivity books is more complex. I believe it is important to maintain a little bit of a child-like disposition in life. My impressions of the professional world are that it creates uniformity and kills creativity. It's very easy to figure out where my attitudes come from: I grew up watching Mary Poppins and Peter Pan, and Peter Pan was the first "big book" that I owned and read. I think I got that book out of my grandpa's library after his funeral. Both of these stories portray growing up as a very dangerous thing to do, and I've never stopped worrying that I will become old, dry, boring, and bored. But whether I like it or not, life happens, and responsibilities accumulate. And here is how "Getting Things Done" succeeds where others fail: without wasting time suggesting a cookie-cutter pattern for my life, it aids in conquering mundane tasks and responisibilities so that my energy can return to the activities that excite me. As I've implemented Allen's method, I've found myself able to mentally relax and in general am feeling a lot more creative again. That's pretty much fantastic!

Here is a quick summary of the GTD method. Allen describes a five-stage workflow: collecting anything that commands our attention, processing, organizing the results, reviewing the options, and taking action. Going through these steps for the first time is a huge project; Allen suggests taking several days to do this. It took me quite awhile to get all the papers and "open-loops" collected or written down, and several hours of work to organize them. Fortunately, Allen does plenty of hand-holding through this. If someone as absent minded and flighty as myself can do it, anyone can. Allen also includes chapters on developing and tracking projects (really excellent stuff) and deciding what to do next at any given moment. As a manual, it is very well written. It gives brief overviews of everything before going into greater detail. By the time you are implementing it, you already have a decent grasp of the material.

Allen sold me in the early chapters, so I dived in with both feet. It took awhile, but the results are wonderful. I have no loose unorganized papers anywhere. Before I did GTD, my mind felt like it was completely in knots. It's felt that way for years. Now that I don't carry the anxiety of lots of unidentified mental baggage and millions of unsorted papers, my mind feels relaxed and focused. GTD also helps me keep a clear picture of any tasks in front of me, and it's much easier to decide what to do next. Tackling a "next action" list feels a bit like a game. I hope to get one down to zero someday. I am more productive and am feeling more energetic. The method is also somewhat flexible: everyone's implementation will vary a bit. I use a clipboard with next-action divded by context, big wallets to hold file folders in place of a file cabinet, basic office supplies, a paper calendar, and four trays for "inbox", "next action / outbox", "data entry" (for business cards and such), and "waiting for". Very low tech, which is how I like it.

Only time will tell what effect all this will have on me. Increased responsibilities will be the real test of GTD's effectiveness. Although GTD will hold special appeal to workaholics and productivity worshippers, it is potentially beneficial to anyone who struggles to keep track of all the little tasks we need to get done. Check it out!

Book Recommendation: The Shack

Last night I finished reading William Young's "The Shack". For anyone who doesn't know, "The Shack" is a fictional account of a man's encounter with God. Here is the description off the back of the book:

Mackenzie Allen Philips' youngest daughter, Missy, has been abducted during a family vacation and evidence that she may have been brutally murdered is found in an abandoned shack deep in the Oregon wilderness. Four years later in the midst of his Great Sadness, Mack receives a suspicious note, apparently from God, inviting him back to that shack for a weekend.

Against his better judgment he arrives as the shack on a wintry afternoon and walk back into his darkest nightmare. What he finds there will change Mack's world forever.

I could talk about the plot more, but I don't want to spoil anything. I want you to read it for yourself. But before I give my official reading recommendation (which I am going to do), I need to make two things clear.

First of all, this book could and should ruffle some theological feathers. Theologically, I don't agree with everything in this book. Some things in it bother me. I will probably follow this up with Timothy Keller's “The Reason for God” as well as finishing a John Piper book so that I don't veer off into any emergent confusion. (And I may follow that book up with “A New Kind of Christian” just to keep myself on my toes.) There is a good deal of controversy and some fairly heated debates surrounding this book. Of course that's almost a given with any popular Christian book. If you are not able to overlook this sort of thing, take my recommendation with a grain of salt.

Second, this book has changed me. It has hit on some pretty deep stuff for me. That does not mean it will change you. And it does not mean you will like the book. But, having given those disclaimers, on the off chance that this book could have the sort of effect on you it had on me:

Read this book!

I did not read this book in one sitting. It actually took me about a month, which is pretty slow going for a book clocking in at 246 pages. But the good part about that is that it's easy to pick up, put down, and pick back up awhile later and not feel lost. Parts of this book made me cry, parts somewhat bored me, and parts of it floored me. On the whole, whatever its faults, I can't ignore it. If you don't want to read it, they'll probably make a movie eventually (and some people are already working on that).

And now I'm going to switch gears very slightly and deal with one other thing. I picked this book up at Wal-Mart based on Eugene Peterson's incredible recommendation on the cover: “This book has the potential to do for our generation what John Bunyan's Pilgrim's Progress did for his. It's that good!”

For anyone who respects Peterson's work, that's hard to ignore. So after reading it I have to ask myself if what Peterson said is likely or possible. Now, historically speaking, I know Pilgrim's Progress is huge. I'm not an expert at all, but I remember reading in an editor's introduction something about it being in nearly every Christian household right next to the Bible during its early printings, or something bizarre like that. As far as what effects it had, I don't know how to measure that, but I would guess: really huge.

Could “The Shack” potentially have an effect like that? I don't think so. First of all, it's not as great as Pilgrim's Progress. It just isn't. It's good but not that good. Second, I am sure that it can produce some change in some people. Maybe a lot of people. But the world is very different. And we're in a time when there is some pretty serious theological unrest which is not going to disappear anytime soon. This book has riled plenty of feathers. But who knows? And maybe the movie will be a big deal too. You just never know. The reason for this little tangent is that I don't want this book over hyped, but if you decide to read it, be open and you might find yourself changed when it's over.

Follow Up

I was not disappointed. The memorial service, and the weekend, were a bit overwhelming.

Quick Post Before Colins Memorial

And I'm writing a second quick thingy which deserves its own post. Today I'm going to Colin Smiths memorial service, and I feel like it's going to be important to me. It's really easy to lose focus in life (oh and by lose it I mean "what the heck is focus"). I know that Colin's death is painful for his family, but it's not a tragedy. And this is easier for me to say because I'm not as close to him as some students were, but still, I think he would not want us to grieve like people who don't believe that this life is only the first chapter in the bigger picture.

So knowing all this, I am going to go out on a limb and say that this memorial isn't just something I'm gonna go to and say "it's sad that he's gone." It's going to be an event where I, and a lot of other people, are going to be thinking, "Here is what he lived for and how it affected his life and hundreds of other lives," and we're going to walk away and ask if we're doing what we should be doing with our minds and our energy. And the job stuff and everything else ties into this, so I'm just going to go into this with an open mind, and who knows but that I may be a little changed when it's done.

FedEx: The First Week, and Toilet-Seat-Booms

Well, I've had five straight days unloading trailers at FedEx, and I gotta say, I'm pretty sore right now. Every day there is some kinda minor bruise. Today, unfortunately, I bruised the end of my right index finger (so there goes a couple days of classical guitar lessons). I get tomorrow and Monday to recuperate. Honestly I can't imagine holding a full time job together with this.

The worst thing about this job: rolling out of bed at 2:30 AM.

The best thing about this job: going back to bed at 7 AM and sleeping for five more hours.

It's remotely possible I could actually go to bed around 6:30 PM and just stay up after work, but that would be so out of sync with the human race and my nocturnal proclivities that I don't it's feasible. The only reason my wierd 3-hours plus 5-hours schedule works is because I'm able to keep some consistency in my sleeping habits.

It's been noted to me by my manager that I'll have more opportunities at FedEx in short order - better positions, greater hours (not that it's terribly difficult to beat ten hours a week). And the nice thing about FedEx is it's nationwide. If I needed to move, I'm sure I could land some sort of position at another FedEx. (I don't think I'm going to be in PA for forever.) But I need full time work, and I need it pretty darn quick here. If a full-time position is offered to me by another company (and that may happen in the next week or two), I'd have a hard time refusing, even if I had to say goodbye to FedEx (which would be too bad).

In other news, Taylor Camerer is starting the rumor that I don't actually close toilet seats. He claims I disattach the toilet seat, stand on the sink, and drop it from several feet up. This is quite false. I am able to create plenty of momentum with the toilet seat still attached to produce a sufficient toilet-seat-boom.

Holy Crap I'm Tired

Just one of those days I guess. At least I got most of the important stuff done, but now I've got to start going through the pain of finding a place to live. Which means finding a roommate. And a church, I don't have that. And friends. Oh and I still need full time work on top of this FedEx bajunkum. At least I have an excuse to go to bed early today. Blahhhh.

Oddly enough, work is about the only thing that really gives me a ton of satisfaction these days. There is something very invigorating about throwing boxes around at 3:30 AM. Too bad it barely pays the gas for me to get there.

On my single positive note, so much downtime has helped me get about as organized as I've ever been in my life. Okay, MORE organized than I've ever been, and it's still a work in process. Yay for me.

And on one more negative note: Wal-Mart doesn't have any baseballs OR baseball bats. WTF mate?

Colin Smiths Next Chapter

Dr. Colin Smith died yesterday - it's totally unexpected to everyone. For Colin Smith, and maybe for someone else who will be leaving this world soon:

"And for us this is the end of all the stories, and we can most truly say that they
all lived happily ever after. But for them it was only the beginning of the real story. All their life in this world and all their adventures in Narnia had only been the cover
and the title page: now at last they were beginning Chapter One of the Great Story which no one on earth has read: which goes on forever: in which every chapter is better than the one before." (the final words of CS Lewis' "The Last Battle")

Now I hope someone compiles a lot of Colin's recorded messages and lectures for us.

For awhile I thought Colin might be someone I would interact with once I reached a stage where I could do graduate studies, particularly if I pursued Semitic language studies at all. That won't happen now, but today feels like a wake up call for my life. I'm moving in the right direction, but I'm going to have to move a lot more if I'm going to redeem some of my short time on earth. Maybe I am going to be teaching Hebrew for a group of interested individuals soon...

Approaching Undistraction

"As I weed out distractions I begin to miss them. They kept me from feeling so unsatisfied with my existence."

The "big clean" is coming along. My life is already more organized than it has ever been, and it really didn't take more than a little helpful instruction from David Allen's "Getting Things Done." My computer has no random folders or documents sitting around. My paperwork is approaching something akin to organization. My email inbox is empty. I got through an entire list of things to accomplish.

And I feel two things as I come closer to something I will call "undistraction." The first thing I am feeling is a returned ability to focus. Meaning, maybe I can finally finish those papers, and get my diploma. It is all beginning to seem possible. In a sense I was right all along - I have had too much mental baggage to ever focus on any really challenging projects.

The second thing I am feeling is a bit more immediate. It is a somewhat unsatisfied feeling. Some of my life's difficulties are beginning to disappear, and yet I feel bored and unsatisfied all the same. Things are a bit cleaner, which is nice, but down at the bottom not a whole lot changes. It's like a room that was filled with random junk and seemed sorta wild like maybe there was something exciting happening, and then the junk gets cleaned out and you realize it's just a silly old room like any other room.

Well I am exhausted (at 9:22 PM!) thanks to my new 3 AM fedex job so I'm going to sleep.

Rev Camerer : God in the Grammar

Rev Camerer gave a great sermon this week and I think this is as good a place to record what I've learned as any. This is all from memory - he held my attention so I didn't manage to take any notes. He actually managed to hold the entire audiences' attention while explaining a few daunting grammatical terms like "relative and objective genitive." The passage is Romans 4:13-25, and the question in the sermon is basically, what is it about faith that saves? Is it the faith? How deep the faith is?

And here is how the question was answered. Two men stand by a frozen lake. The ice may be able to support them. One is very confident the ice will support him. The other is very doubtful; he imagines he is likely to fall through. They both step out onto the ice. And here is the point:

Does it matter whether they think the ice will support them?

No it doesn't matter. The amount of their belief isn't really that important. The important thing is the object of that faith: the ice. The ice will support them whether their faith is monumental or miniscule. Or conversely, if the ice is thin, the sincerity of a man's faith in that ice will not prevent him from falling through. It is not the greatness of our faith that saves, but the object of our faith: Christ. We don't need to be faith-giants. We only need enough to step onto the ice.

And he made a very strong point that the sincerity of faith of other religious groups won't be a huge factor in the end; the object of faith is still what is going to count in the end.

Well I thought it was pretty good; the ice illustration has been indelibly printed into my brain, so hopefully it will be useful for someone else as well, later.

Seasons

We're just a few hours from a new month. And I suppose summer will be officially starting soon. It pretty much feels like summer now here in Greencastle. I see a lot of sun, and we get a lot of warm days. Everything is green. And I love this.

One thing makes me a bit sad: it won't last. Fall will come. And I don't mind fall. I like it more than I used to. But after fall comes winter. And I really hate winter. It's possible that I could learn to enjoy it. Someday I will have to make a decision. Do I hate cool climates more than I enjoy the season changes?

If one day I moved someplace warmer, I might be pretty happy. But I might really miss the seasons. I suspect that I would. Who knows, maybe all I need to get through winter is to feel some uv rays on my skin - I could just go fry in a tanning bed every week. Maybe once I had that, I would feel fine! I don't know. I know that winter is when I have the most depression and when I'm most likely to up and move somewhere. November is bad, as is February.

But if I did move south, things might feel kind of dull without seasons. If I was close to a beach, maybe I wouldn't care. But maybe this is one of those "fantasy is better than reality" kind of thoughts. I'll have to think more on this later.

Reality TV

Has anyone else ever watched reality TV in which the participants act as if there is no camera? That is SO ANNOYING! How are these people COMPLETELY IGNORING THE CAMERA! In many of the television shows, we suspend the reality of the camera-man, and that is okay - we expect to and accept it. That should not be the case on reality tv. The more hints I get that the whole thing is scripted, the less interesting I find it.

I've seen something funny on both Hulk Hogan's show (the Hulk Life or something) and the Bachelor. On both of those shows, I've seen characters do something and then say "We need to keep this a secret from mom and dad" or Hulk "I'd better keep this a secret from my wife." HELLO, YOU'RE ON TV!?! .... I mean... COME ON! How am I supposed to respond to that? "Scripted!" Boooooo. If you act as if the camera doesn't change anything, we know it is completely fake, because a camera would add a lot of tension in any emotional situation. I would like to see a show that actually embraces that tension a little bit.

Reality TV has been around for a long time. It's called "Game Shows." Survivor? It's a game show. The Bachelor? It's a game show. America's Top Model? Game show. Instead of "guess the word in time" it's about accomplishing a task, making fireworks with some random bachelor, doing an incredible photoshoot. It's a more interesting game show but it's still a game show.

A few shows try to pull of total reality tv, like the hulk hogan show. Those are still far from interesting because they aren't even slightly believable. I have no reason to believe what I'm seeing is really showing me anything true about these people. That's not compelling. Maybe people can't be candid outside of simple things like game shows and sixty second candid camera blips, but if you can't be a little more daring I'm not even going to bother watching.

Due

Tax return: $955
Amount Due this month (college loans, car insurance): $948
Phew!

Now I just need $80 for my phone bill. (Counts remaining 20s...)

Fortunately I will be in Greencastle in a week and hopefully will quickly land a job or two, maybe even something I like!

Juno is about....

(Before you start reading, you have to play the video at the bottom of this post so you are in the right mood. It's not a video, just the song, so scroll down and go "click!".) So I just saw a movie called "Juno" which everyone seems to love. For the uninitiated it's about a 16 year old high school girl who gets pregnant and the year which follows. The movie is mostly made of scenes with Juno talking to friends, talking to potential adopters, talking to parents, and sometimes Juno narrating her thoughts. So it makes for a very straightforward, intimate little movie. We get a decent feel for some of the strange moments a girl like Juno might actually go through.

The whole movie feels sorta indie or at least anti-blockbuster-ish. It's got tons of great little folky songs which are catchy and sunshiney and fun to play on my uke or guitar (bonus!). The whole thing feels like it could have played out in my hometown or somewhere like it. I like it, and need to think about it a tiny bit more, but for now I'm feelin like, "Hey, good stuff!" And hopefully you enjoyed this little ditty by Barry Louis Polisar: "All I Want Is you." I'm going to go play it on my uke, bye.

Fast Car - excellent, watch it

A catchy dave matthews ditty

I <3 Pinback

Cleaning my room

I've been cleaning for awhile, things are coming along. I can't make up for a few months of not cleaning in a couple hours but it's more livable for sure. Even if paperwork drives me crazy, at least I can get my clothes organized and neat and get a clean floor. My bird still is in desperate need of a cage cleaning but it's not going to happen tonight. I'm going to the grocery store to buy some food cuz I'm starving, and thence to relax for a bit. My room is a bit dark at night and it doesn't motivate me to do any more heavy duty cleaning.

I'm going to return my guitar looper, but first will write out the guitar parts - I have no way to permanently record the music. Lesson learned; if I get a looper again, I'll buy one that can output the loops into my computer or onto SD card or something. Speaking of SD cards, I haven't seen my digital camera in a couple months now. There's a slim chance it is with my friends Pete and Emily but I doubt it. I still think it will turn up, I just can't believe that I would lose it.

Stinking guitars...

Music seems very fruitless right now. The way electric guitar works, there are always a million toys you need to get the right sounds and stuff. But it's pretty dumb because I am playing by myself and that is very unmotivating. I am going to set the electric aside and focus on acoustic songs for awhile (the acoustic has some TERRIBLE fret problems which make bad buzzes or even make certain notes impossible, but I'll live with it). I might return the looper, that's two hundred dollars which I need (or someone needs it if I don't).

Music is pretty frustrating because for the most part the music I am listening to is infinitely more beautiful than anything I could play on a guitar. Music from the Black Stallion soundtrack or Joann Newsom's harp playing or Last of the Mohicans or anything on the violin are infinitely greater than most anything on guitar. Piano or harp or even violin all transcend it in their tones: the violin has infinite sustain because of the bow; pianos and harps have incredibly large soundboards. Plucked guitars cannot compete.

But there are a few really beautiful bits I can think of, like one track on Black Stallion which uses guitar (although it wouldn't sound the same on my guitar even if I tried to play it). Off the top of my head I can only think of two that are really "wow that's beautiful" pieces. Joanna Newsom produces more gorgeous stuff on her harp than Phil Keaggy can on his guitar, maybe simply because it's a harp. (Harps are expensive, I just looked). There is still some good stuff from rock / punk bands - Sunny Day Real Estate, Bloc Party, Death Cab for Cutie, even some normal rock like Foo Fighters ("My Hero"). The stuff I want to imitate right now is the acoustic stuff from Derek Webb, John Fahey, and Iron and Wine.

I lost all interest in blues (bleh) or any other instrument centric music right now. That means I'm not crazy enough to be a good composer or instrumentalist, but in all honesty I don't care. I'll probably never fully appreciate Coltrane or insane composers or what sets apart the tone of all the blues guitarists, but that's okay. I think that's fairly sane of me. Music is nice, especially the really pretty stuff, but I don't need to worship it (although I probably have in the past). This attitude keeps my life simpler, more balanced. Sometimes it's fun to make music, and it's also nice to have things quiet now and then. Making music by myself is almost never fun, which is why at some point I hope I can start a band with like minded individuals.

Restless

Now is the winter of our discontent... (period.)

As far as work and life in general go, I feel stagnant. I'm getting restless. I don't think it's just winter; it's a lack of any immediate significance in my existence. I bought a looper pedal for my guitar, and since buying it it's moved me forward musically. But I want to return it, if only because guitar and music seem either pointless or distracting, and really if I'm not playing with a band it's pretty pointless. I'd rather just keep things simple. (Will write a second post on that directly following this one.)

Anyway I hope I'm growing, maybe it's one of those times when I'm just a seed getting water. Jesus is going to come back and be like "Ummm what the heck are you doing anyway" and I'm going to say "Look I'm like, a plant, ya know? I'm a late bloomer so maybe you could give me a few years so I can be watered and grow my roots and stuff." *Jesus gives incredulous stare* Seriously, there are things I'm still dealing with; and I want to shove it all away because it's difficult. I don't have a choice though.

I was just listening to the Derek Webb song "The Church." It is really beautiful and deep and loving and I think I'd better learn it.

It's been a bad month money wise. And discipline wise.