Stinking guitars...

Music seems very fruitless right now. The way electric guitar works, there are always a million toys you need to get the right sounds and stuff. But it's pretty dumb because I am playing by myself and that is very unmotivating. I am going to set the electric aside and focus on acoustic songs for awhile (the acoustic has some TERRIBLE fret problems which make bad buzzes or even make certain notes impossible, but I'll live with it). I might return the looper, that's two hundred dollars which I need (or someone needs it if I don't).

Music is pretty frustrating because for the most part the music I am listening to is infinitely more beautiful than anything I could play on a guitar. Music from the Black Stallion soundtrack or Joann Newsom's harp playing or Last of the Mohicans or anything on the violin are infinitely greater than most anything on guitar. Piano or harp or even violin all transcend it in their tones: the violin has infinite sustain because of the bow; pianos and harps have incredibly large soundboards. Plucked guitars cannot compete.

But there are a few really beautiful bits I can think of, like one track on Black Stallion which uses guitar (although it wouldn't sound the same on my guitar even if I tried to play it). Off the top of my head I can only think of two that are really "wow that's beautiful" pieces. Joanna Newsom produces more gorgeous stuff on her harp than Phil Keaggy can on his guitar, maybe simply because it's a harp. (Harps are expensive, I just looked). There is still some good stuff from rock / punk bands - Sunny Day Real Estate, Bloc Party, Death Cab for Cutie, even some normal rock like Foo Fighters ("My Hero"). The stuff I want to imitate right now is the acoustic stuff from Derek Webb, John Fahey, and Iron and Wine.

I lost all interest in blues (bleh) or any other instrument centric music right now. That means I'm not crazy enough to be a good composer or instrumentalist, but in all honesty I don't care. I'll probably never fully appreciate Coltrane or insane composers or what sets apart the tone of all the blues guitarists, but that's okay. I think that's fairly sane of me. Music is nice, especially the really pretty stuff, but I don't need to worship it (although I probably have in the past). This attitude keeps my life simpler, more balanced. Sometimes it's fun to make music, and it's also nice to have things quiet now and then. Making music by myself is almost never fun, which is why at some point I hope I can start a band with like minded individuals.

Restless

Now is the winter of our discontent... (period.)

As far as work and life in general go, I feel stagnant. I'm getting restless. I don't think it's just winter; it's a lack of any immediate significance in my existence. I bought a looper pedal for my guitar, and since buying it it's moved me forward musically. But I want to return it, if only because guitar and music seem either pointless or distracting, and really if I'm not playing with a band it's pretty pointless. I'd rather just keep things simple. (Will write a second post on that directly following this one.)

Anyway I hope I'm growing, maybe it's one of those times when I'm just a seed getting water. Jesus is going to come back and be like "Ummm what the heck are you doing anyway" and I'm going to say "Look I'm like, a plant, ya know? I'm a late bloomer so maybe you could give me a few years so I can be watered and grow my roots and stuff." *Jesus gives incredulous stare* Seriously, there are things I'm still dealing with; and I want to shove it all away because it's difficult. I don't have a choice though.

I was just listening to the Derek Webb song "The Church." It is really beautiful and deep and loving and I think I'd better learn it.

It's been a bad month money wise. And discipline wise.