Quick Post Before Colins Memorial

And I'm writing a second quick thingy which deserves its own post. Today I'm going to Colin Smiths memorial service, and I feel like it's going to be important to me. It's really easy to lose focus in life (oh and by lose it I mean "what the heck is focus"). I know that Colin's death is painful for his family, but it's not a tragedy. And this is easier for me to say because I'm not as close to him as some students were, but still, I think he would not want us to grieve like people who don't believe that this life is only the first chapter in the bigger picture.

So knowing all this, I am going to go out on a limb and say that this memorial isn't just something I'm gonna go to and say "it's sad that he's gone." It's going to be an event where I, and a lot of other people, are going to be thinking, "Here is what he lived for and how it affected his life and hundreds of other lives," and we're going to walk away and ask if we're doing what we should be doing with our minds and our energy. And the job stuff and everything else ties into this, so I'm just going to go into this with an open mind, and who knows but that I may be a little changed when it's done.

FedEx: The First Week, and Toilet-Seat-Booms

Well, I've had five straight days unloading trailers at FedEx, and I gotta say, I'm pretty sore right now. Every day there is some kinda minor bruise. Today, unfortunately, I bruised the end of my right index finger (so there goes a couple days of classical guitar lessons). I get tomorrow and Monday to recuperate. Honestly I can't imagine holding a full time job together with this.

The worst thing about this job: rolling out of bed at 2:30 AM.

The best thing about this job: going back to bed at 7 AM and sleeping for five more hours.

It's remotely possible I could actually go to bed around 6:30 PM and just stay up after work, but that would be so out of sync with the human race and my nocturnal proclivities that I don't it's feasible. The only reason my wierd 3-hours plus 5-hours schedule works is because I'm able to keep some consistency in my sleeping habits.

It's been noted to me by my manager that I'll have more opportunities at FedEx in short order - better positions, greater hours (not that it's terribly difficult to beat ten hours a week). And the nice thing about FedEx is it's nationwide. If I needed to move, I'm sure I could land some sort of position at another FedEx. (I don't think I'm going to be in PA for forever.) But I need full time work, and I need it pretty darn quick here. If a full-time position is offered to me by another company (and that may happen in the next week or two), I'd have a hard time refusing, even if I had to say goodbye to FedEx (which would be too bad).

In other news, Taylor Camerer is starting the rumor that I don't actually close toilet seats. He claims I disattach the toilet seat, stand on the sink, and drop it from several feet up. This is quite false. I am able to create plenty of momentum with the toilet seat still attached to produce a sufficient toilet-seat-boom.

Holy Crap I'm Tired

Just one of those days I guess. At least I got most of the important stuff done, but now I've got to start going through the pain of finding a place to live. Which means finding a roommate. And a church, I don't have that. And friends. Oh and I still need full time work on top of this FedEx bajunkum. At least I have an excuse to go to bed early today. Blahhhh.

Oddly enough, work is about the only thing that really gives me a ton of satisfaction these days. There is something very invigorating about throwing boxes around at 3:30 AM. Too bad it barely pays the gas for me to get there.

On my single positive note, so much downtime has helped me get about as organized as I've ever been in my life. Okay, MORE organized than I've ever been, and it's still a work in process. Yay for me.

And on one more negative note: Wal-Mart doesn't have any baseballs OR baseball bats. WTF mate?

Colin Smiths Next Chapter

Dr. Colin Smith died yesterday - it's totally unexpected to everyone. For Colin Smith, and maybe for someone else who will be leaving this world soon:

"And for us this is the end of all the stories, and we can most truly say that they
all lived happily ever after. But for them it was only the beginning of the real story. All their life in this world and all their adventures in Narnia had only been the cover
and the title page: now at last they were beginning Chapter One of the Great Story which no one on earth has read: which goes on forever: in which every chapter is better than the one before." (the final words of CS Lewis' "The Last Battle")

Now I hope someone compiles a lot of Colin's recorded messages and lectures for us.

For awhile I thought Colin might be someone I would interact with once I reached a stage where I could do graduate studies, particularly if I pursued Semitic language studies at all. That won't happen now, but today feels like a wake up call for my life. I'm moving in the right direction, but I'm going to have to move a lot more if I'm going to redeem some of my short time on earth. Maybe I am going to be teaching Hebrew for a group of interested individuals soon...

Approaching Undistraction

"As I weed out distractions I begin to miss them. They kept me from feeling so unsatisfied with my existence."

The "big clean" is coming along. My life is already more organized than it has ever been, and it really didn't take more than a little helpful instruction from David Allen's "Getting Things Done." My computer has no random folders or documents sitting around. My paperwork is approaching something akin to organization. My email inbox is empty. I got through an entire list of things to accomplish.

And I feel two things as I come closer to something I will call "undistraction." The first thing I am feeling is a returned ability to focus. Meaning, maybe I can finally finish those papers, and get my diploma. It is all beginning to seem possible. In a sense I was right all along - I have had too much mental baggage to ever focus on any really challenging projects.

The second thing I am feeling is a bit more immediate. It is a somewhat unsatisfied feeling. Some of my life's difficulties are beginning to disappear, and yet I feel bored and unsatisfied all the same. Things are a bit cleaner, which is nice, but down at the bottom not a whole lot changes. It's like a room that was filled with random junk and seemed sorta wild like maybe there was something exciting happening, and then the junk gets cleaned out and you realize it's just a silly old room like any other room.

Well I am exhausted (at 9:22 PM!) thanks to my new 3 AM fedex job so I'm going to sleep.

Rev Camerer : God in the Grammar

Rev Camerer gave a great sermon this week and I think this is as good a place to record what I've learned as any. This is all from memory - he held my attention so I didn't manage to take any notes. He actually managed to hold the entire audiences' attention while explaining a few daunting grammatical terms like "relative and objective genitive." The passage is Romans 4:13-25, and the question in the sermon is basically, what is it about faith that saves? Is it the faith? How deep the faith is?

And here is how the question was answered. Two men stand by a frozen lake. The ice may be able to support them. One is very confident the ice will support him. The other is very doubtful; he imagines he is likely to fall through. They both step out onto the ice. And here is the point:

Does it matter whether they think the ice will support them?

No it doesn't matter. The amount of their belief isn't really that important. The important thing is the object of that faith: the ice. The ice will support them whether their faith is monumental or miniscule. Or conversely, if the ice is thin, the sincerity of a man's faith in that ice will not prevent him from falling through. It is not the greatness of our faith that saves, but the object of our faith: Christ. We don't need to be faith-giants. We only need enough to step onto the ice.

And he made a very strong point that the sincerity of faith of other religious groups won't be a huge factor in the end; the object of faith is still what is going to count in the end.

Well I thought it was pretty good; the ice illustration has been indelibly printed into my brain, so hopefully it will be useful for someone else as well, later.