Christian Fellowship

Went to a meeting of young Christians at Prairie Ridge Church last night. We ate Subway, chit-chatted, and watched Nooma video #11: "Rhythm". The conversation was stimulating, I met some awesome brothers and sisters (Ben, Eric, Missy, Valerie, Sam), and Ben is a fellow fan of mewithoutYou (whoo!). But there is a problem: It seems too easy.

It is too easy for me to meet and like people. It's easy to have really stimulating conversations, Christ-centered conversations. But I question whether people are seeing the real me, or I'm seeing the real them. They haven't heard me get made and drop an F-Bomb; they don't know the bad things I've said and done. I'm not really eager to go publishing it either.

We enter into the room knowing we are under grace, understanding we have all failed; the purpose isn't to judge or critique but to enjoy being with each other and experience fellowship.

I'm not sure that fellowship really happens there. I can't put my finger on why. Maybe I'm being impatient. I've seen fellowship; it can happen on difficult camping trips or tough circumstances shared with comrades. In my case it has usually been shared with friends as friends, Christian friends; I would like to have it shared with Christians as brothers and sisters. People who say, "We aren't just here because we are lonely and single and need to have a safe environment [though that isn't a bad thing to admit] - we are brothers and sisters attempting to live the gospel."

This post seems entirely too judgmental on my friends, or perhaps ungrateful. I do struggle with ungratefulness and judgmentalism, but if there is a useful question hidden in this post maybe you can overlook any bothersome tones.

NEWS: I'm going to Arkansas next week with my Uncle Jim to help disassemble machines. It's for work, but maybe I'll have some fun times too. Leaving Sunday after the weekly congregational service. Everyone say a prayer of thank you for my friend and shepherd Josh from Real Life Church who has deeply encouraged me.

Sometimes...

Sometimes I like feeling broken.

Some recommended movies.

First of all, Ordinary People. It is a serious movie. But we spend enough time and money on mindless entertainment, using our minds and hearts now and then can't be so horrible. The Usual Suspects is a perfectly told mystery type movie. Lawrence of Arabia is the greatest epic film ever, even above Ben Hur; only watch it if you have a fantastic television and sound system or you haven't really seen it. Mothman Prophecies is very spooky and brilliant - it's not horror, just spooky. Blade Runner is a brilliant Ridley Scott sci-fi (Scott made the Alien movies) and is perfect - brings in questions about our existence and what it means to be human. The Director's Cut adds 30 seconds which totally change the movie, watch it a year after you've seen the normal version. (Normal Version first). Also, a cartoon I love: The Iron Giant. It looks like it's a kids movie. It's really not. I pretty much cried when I watched it.

Any fantastically good movies out there?

Neural Laxative

Garbage garbage garbage CRAAAPPPPPP garbage. Sister Susy sells sea shells why the smell does she bloody fell the wasted grellkin's helter skel. Taller tell bingbongbell Flinga Flanga Farmer Dell the Eastwinds Westward wrickwracked Well was washing wishy fellwind smells that told so well the things I tell.

Today I've been studying wiring diagrams and 3 phase electricity and things that I haven't looked at since I was like twelve and my neurons are getting all coiled up. Cerebral rush hour at 6 on Tuesday, traffic at a complete stop. Caffeine and bad nutrition (rude drivers and unoiled engines) increase the congestion. Cerebral rest sounds best top suggestion, a flagon of logic is flogging my noggin. Soothing is poetry, maybe some Auden. Oh, and some food. Oh, and banks are giving me problems, pray that I will find a way to pay my bills please, thank you. (Enough money for once and no way to send it, Dear Florida I miss Amscot.)

Transformers Review

High-budget, low-vision film which knows its audience. (Yes America, I am insulting you.) Not unpleasant, but I don't see any reason why I would be compelled to see it again. Unlike a GOOD blockbuster like Spiderman 3, it lacks any deeper insights. It ...(read more)talks about sacrifice but in fact nobody has to make a sacrifice. Everyone gets what they want in the end.

Especially disappointing in its lack of imagination. Go watch the feature length cartoon - it has a robot that chews up planets. Extra star cuz it has some funny moments, and good effects. Two out of Five stars.

Worthless habit

I have this worthless habit of checking videogame news. I've been doing it for like a decade - I look at what new games are coming out. Today I had to glance at the new Metroid game, and Fallout 3. I never even played Fallout 1 or 2. Games I will probably be read news and reviews on: Super Mario Galaxy, Bioshock, Crysis, Team Fortress 2, Starcraft 2, maybe others. At least the habit doesn't take more than 10 or 15 minutes these days (once every week or so), but it's so silly. I don't even play video games anymore. I did have a world of warcraft stint a month ago.. A close shave. Today they seem uninteresting but maybe in a week or so...

Where I am, What I'm Doing

Right now I am in Taraccino's coffee using their wireless internet and drinking water. (I haven't had their coffee, and don't recommend their very bitter cappucinos.) My mom is letting me use her laptop for a couple months.

My employment situation is stable - I am working for my uncles, trying to be frugal, zero out my credit card, get organized in paying bills and college loans. The job involves lots of cleaning and sanding, getting very hot, sweaty, and dirty (and this week sunburned), and doing some careful painting (which I enjoy).

Housing has been a little weird - I've slept in several places and houses this week. Right now my coworker and spiritual brother John MacDonald is letting me set up my air mattress in his house. It's a great place. A more permanent housing situation may open up with a brother from Real Life church named James. Either way, I'm very happy and have been getting pretty good rest - enough to do the things that need doing.

Spiritually I am in a place where I am learning how to walk the walk, not just talk the talk. "Faith" can be very abstract, and an excuse for foolish action; so I am praying for humility, wisdom, purity, integrity, and an awareness of my incredible capacity for self-deception. Others are praying as well. The greatest thing is to just reach out for Christ; I don't know what else to do. And when others are reaching out alongside me, in their questions and in their prayers, it brings comfort and a confidence that God is taking care of His children.

My thoughts have been in a story I wrote with a couple people last night that needs to be finished, written down, and polished. It was a heck of a lot of fun; writing a story can be an adventure and a puzzle. At some point John and I may be able to make a movie at a really cool old factory a couple hours from here.

My thoughts are often distracted by questions of the future and my purpose, but at this point it is best not to worry but just to seek God out moment by moment, and spend time in study and contemplation. Right now that means studying scripture, maybe complimented by reading some poetry and doing some writing.

I need to buy some earplugs so I can think a bit more clearly in these coffee shops. Music can be really distracting, particularly if you are as good at getting distracted as I am.

A little more.

I am at a public library and the computer tells me that my session will end in fifteen minutes. So this will be brief! Speaking of briefs, I really don't like them.

To the clan of Camerer skeptics: - there you go, Titanic 2!

(...okay so it's not exactly the same as an official announcement..)

My time at cornerstone was intense. The highlights were listening to Shane Claiborne of "The Irresistable Revolution" speak times or so, and talking with Mike and Aaron Weiss (lead guitar and frontman of mewithoutYou).

A Shane quote: "The real tragedy is not that people don't care about poor people, but that they don't KNOW any poor people." Topic for thought: solidarity with people who are much poorer than anyone we probably know.

An Aaron quote (to me): "I think we don't have to worry about anything, and I mean that completely literally."

10 minutes to try and find a poem by Auden to strengthen my soul a little. I have been working really hard; thank God for my breath and my fingers and every minute of life. For the ones who pray, pray for restful sleep for me, and also for my grandma who has trouble sleeping.

Shalom.

Sleepy from Cornerstone Fest

I'm a little drained. Ever have one of those naps where you wake up all hot and feeling anything but rested?

On Wednesday after work I drove 4 hours to Bushnell, Illinois to Cornerstone Festival. I spent too much time the first night show-hopping so I didn't see any full sets that night. And I really intend to finish this blog but in about 30 seconds I'm going to drift into a state of unconscious something or other. To be continued...