Apricot Face Remover

I tried "invigorating apricot scrub." For all skin types. Except mine I guess. "May irritate skin," they say. Can I have my face back, I reply.

In other news, the health industry is promoting a new program for permanent weight loss. The secret? Hungry sharks. Test subjects have called the results "immediate and startling." Critics warn, "may hamper mobility."

Hey, the shark diet and apricot scrubbers might get along!